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Resilience Is About How You Recharge, Not How You Endure
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Executive Summary

After working hard for long hours and toughing it out, we at least expect success. However, more often than not, at the end of the day we are exhausted and still have a long list of tasks to complete. Why does this happen? According to the authors, working adults have a fundamental misunderstanding of what it means to be resilient. Yes, resilience involves working hard, but it also requires one to stop, recover, and then begin the hard work again. Recovery is key to maintaining good health, but also preventing lost productivity. To build resilience, you need to be willing to stop. This means spending some time away from your phone, eating lunch away from your desk, and actually using your vacation time.

As constant travelers and parents of a 2-year-old, we sometimes fantasize about how much work we can do when one of us getson a plane, undistracted by phones, friends, and Finding Nemo . We race to get all our ground work done: packing, going through TSA, doing a last-minute work call, calling each other, then boarding the plane. Then, when we try to have that amazing work session in flight, we get nothing done. Even worse, after refreshing our email or reading the same studies over and over, we are too exhausted when we land to soldier on with the emails that have inevitably still piled up.

Why should flying deplete us? We’re just sitting there doing nothing. Why can’t we be tougher — more resilient and determined in our work – so we can accomplish all of the goals we set for ourselves? Based on our current research, we have come to realize that the problem is not our hectic schedule or the plane travel itself; the problem comes from a misunderstanding of what it means to be resilient, and the resulting impact of overworking.

We often take a militaristic, “tough” approach to resilience and grit. We imagine a Marine slogging through the mud, a boxer going one more round, or a football player picking himself up off the turf for one more play. We believe that the longer we tough it out, the tougher we are, and therefore the more successful we will be. However, this entire conception is scientifically inaccurate.

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Explore ideas worth spreading
8 tips to help you become more resilient
Science Jan 5, 2018 / Meg Jay

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Clinical psychologist Meg Jay ( TED Talk: Why 30 is not the new 20 ) doesn’t like the idea of bouncing back from adversity. “People do not feel understood when someone says, ‘Wow, you really bounced back from that.’ They don’t feel seen in all of their complexity, in terms of how hard it can be,’” she says. Instead, Jay likes to describe resilience as a heroic struggle. “It’s really a battle, not a bounce,” she says — an ongoing process that can last for years.

Jay has spent close to two decades studying adult development and listening to the stories of people in her clinical practice. Along the way, she’s learned important lessons about resilience, which she shared in her new book, Supernormal , and in a Facebook Live at TED’s NYC Headquarters in November. One key takeaway? “Resilience is not a trait. It’s not something you’re born with. It’s not something you just have,” she says. We’ve distilled her essential tips for how you can become more resilient.

Don’t be ashamed of what makes you stressed. “A lot of people say, ‘Well, I wasn’t in a war…’ They have to learn what the most common adversities are and see those as being legitimate chronic stressors.”

“You may not have alcoholism or drug abuse in your home, but I’m guessing you’ve been through something. Think about, ‘What were the three toughest times in my life? How did I get through those things?’ You probably already know something about being resilient.”

“Resilient people tend to be active copers. They say, ‘What am I going to do about this?’ versus, ‘When will I be released from this?’ It may not be solved overnight, but every problem can be approached somehow.”

“In general, resilient people tend to use the strengths they have. For different people, those are different. Some people have a great personality. For other people, it’s smarts or some sort of talent or a real work ethic. They use that to grab onto, to get through whatever’s in front of them.”

“One of the biggest predictors of faring well after an adversity is having people who cared. One thing that resilient people do is they seek support. It doesn’t have to be a therapist; it could be a best friend or an aunt or a partner. Resilient people actually use other people — rather than not let themselves need them.”

“Increase the number and quality of your relationships however you see fit. For some people, that will be, ‘There are two people in the world who know all of what there is to know about me.’ For other people, they’ll want to be known by a bigger community. Love is very powerful, and love is love. The brain doesn’t know one kind of love versus another. It just processes when it has a positive experience with another person. Get out there and feel like there are people who see you and understand you and who care – that’s it. It doesn’t matter where you’re getting that.”

the same expectation, thereby allowing invocations of other Mocha::Expectation methods to be chained.

Modifies expectation so that the expected method must be called at least once.

Expected method must be called at least once.

the same expectation, thereby allowing invocations of other Mocha::Expectation methods to be chained.

Modifies expectation so that the expected method must be called at most a .

Expected method must be called at most twice.

maximum number of expected invocations.

the same expectation, thereby allowing invocations of other Mocha::Expectation methods to be chained.

Modifies expectation so that the expected method must be called at most once.

Expected method must be called at most once.

the same expectation, thereby allowing invocations of other Mocha::Expectation methods to be chained.

Constrains the expectation so that it must be invoked at the current point in the .

To expect a sequence of invocations, write the expectations in order and add the clause to each one.

Expectations in a can have any invocation count.

If an expectation in a sequence is stubbed, rather than expected, it can be skipped in the .

An expected method can appear in multiple sequences.

Ensure methods are invoked in a specified order.

sequences in which expected method should appear.

the same expectation, thereby allowing invocations of other Mocha::Expectation methods to be chained.

See Also:

Modifies expectation so that when the expected method is called, it yields multiple times per invocation with the specified .

When the is called, the stub will invoke the block twice, the first time it passes , as the parameters, and the second time it passes 'result_3' as the parameters.

Yield different groups of parameters on different invocations of the expected method.

each element of should iself be an representing the parameters to be passed to the block for a single yield.

the same expectation, thereby allowing invocations of other Mocha::Expectation methods to be chained.

Modifies expectation so that the expected method must never be called.

Expected method must never be called.

the same expectation, thereby allowing invocations of other Mocha::Expectation methods to be chained.

Modifies expectation so that the expected method must be called exactly once.

Note that this is the default behaviour for an expectation, but you may wish to use it for clarity/emphasis.

Expected method must be invoked exactly once.

the same expectation, thereby allowing invocations of other Mocha::Expectation methods to be chained.

Modifies expectation so that when the expected method is called, it raises the specified with the specified i.e. calls .

Raise specified exception if expected method is invoked.

Raise custom exception with extra constructor parameters by passing in an instance of the exception.

Raise different exceptions on consecutive invocations of the expected method.

Raise an exception on first invocation of expected method and then return values on subsequent invocations.

exception to be raised or message to be passed to RuntimeError.

exception message.

the same expectation, thereby allowing invocations of other Mocha::Expectation methods to be chained.

Modifies expectation so that when the expected method is called, it returns the specified .

Return the same value on every invocation.

Return a different value on consecutive invocations.

Alternative way to return a different value on consecutive invocations.

May be called in conjunction with #raises on the same expectation.

Note that in Ruby a method returning multiple values is exactly equivalent to a method returning an of those values.

Overloads:

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